Saturday, 24 December 2011

Literary Translations . . . This Made Me Laugh!

Check out this article at McSweeney's, where a simple sentence is translated through the conventions of different genres, with hilarious results!

I'll provide a free book of your choice from this list to the person who posts the best translation of their own before midnight on New Year's Eve. Best of luck!


  1. “I ate a sandwich and looked out the window.”

    Gore Translation by Wendy Muzlanova

    “I felt the slight, unwilling give of her flesh, the satisfying puncturing of her skin as my canine teeth bit down through the rustic bread and into her remains. I had needed so desperately to punish her. I drew back the curtain, tenderly, gently – and gazed through the glass. The bitch lay face down upon the grass, her auburn hair now ripped from her head, her back flayed raw. I had torn out all of her nails with pliers, one by one. Her teeth I had shattered from her mouth. The hammer and chisel rested on the kitchen table, next to my plate. After I had forced her to look at me while I ate my starter, her eyes were no longer of use to me. I removed them both, with a runcible spoon – and set them aside carefully, for later. Outside, the rain was falling softly on her naked and agonised meat. I could hear that she was still screaming, even then, even at that late hour of her life. I wiped the red from my mouth, relishing the sight of my bloody fingers. I licked them and smiled a satisfied smile. I raised a glass to her pain and drank deep of her hell. It was time for dessert. Life could be so sweet.”

  2. You are one sick little puppy, Adam lol :-D
    I mean....thanks! :-D x

  3. Unless someone else enters within the next two days, looks like you've won, hun ;)

    Start thinking about which book you want! x

  4. Happy New Year, Adam! I trust you had an agreeable Hogmanay? I was slaving on a sleepover shift....
    Have I won?! I have never, ever come first in a competition with a single entrant before - although that last statement sounds queasily double-entendrey... :)
    If I have indeed, triumphed - I would love to receive a copy of Mr. Gum :-D All the best for 2012! x

  5. I did indeed. I'll send the book ASAP x